Where were you GOD?

I asked the question and God answered:


I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME. . .

I've been there, where this Mother was standing. . .

Oh, it wasn't outside of a surgery unit. . .

No. .

We found ourselves standing outside the PICU. . .

in one of the top rated teaching hospitals in the world. . .

with the lead pediatrician in charge. . .

while our adorable, blonde haired, blue eyed, dimpled,

always smiling little cherub fought for his life. . .

and lost. . .

so yes, I know the agony this mother felt. . .

I was so very, very angry with God. . .oh I held it together in public. . .

everyone commented on how well we were doing. . .

but in the privacy of my own room. . .flinging myself out across my bed. . .

I would scream at God. . .how could you do this to me?. . .

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

It's not fair. . .it's not fair God. . .

I don't understand. . .

there is nothing you can say to me that is going to make me understand this. . .

but somehow, we survived. . .

we survived the grief, and the agony. . .

somehow our marriage survived. . .

and we kept what was left of our little family intact. . .

and slowly, slowly, began to rebuild a life for ourselves. . .

and God was faithful. . .and his promises were true. . .

and his blessings were abundant.

So many blessings. . .an adopted son who looks so much like us,

you won't be able to tell the difference. . .he is my joy. . .

sometimes I have to call just to hear his voice. . .

and adorable, precious grandchildren. . .four of them. . .nothing compares to one of their hugs. . 

So yes, God was there. . .

do I understand?. . .

NO. . .

but someday I will,

and until that day. . .I will keep pressing toward the mark of the calling of the Most High. . .

Running the Race is a Little Overwhelming Sometimes

For several years I have written and designed Bible Lessons for children.  I have a drawer full of lessons, and notes for lessons.

I am passionate about it. . .messages I hear, songs I listen to, news stories. . .so many things trigger that automatic thought. . .I gotta write that down. . .that would make a great lesson.

Not only am I passionate about writing the lessons, but my heart also grieves for burned out, overwhelmed, under appreciated Children’s Ministry Workers. . .who are doing the very best they know how. . .and yet are left to feel that their efforts always fall a little short. . .so, when we knew were going to travel full time, my eventual goal was to be able to offer encouragement to Children’s Ministry and Youth Ministry Workers along the way.

That is the goal. . .and the desire. . .and yet, when I would begin to work on the plan (read organizing stacks of lessons and notes into some type of order) I would feel so overwhelmed, I would just close the drawer and move on to an easier project. . .

and then, in my morning Bible Study, I read. . .

Hebrews 12:1 let us run with patience (endurance) the race that is set before us.

PATIENCE? are you kidding me Lord. . .I don’t think you really blessed me with very much of that. . .seriously!  I want it done, and I want it done now. . .Oh, and I’d really like it if it could be done my way please. . .there. . .now, that’s better.

OH, I don’t get to do this my way. . .this is an endurance race. . .really?  Cause when I look at that stack in that drawer, it even looks like more endurance than I got. . .actually, it gives me knots in my stomach.

Oh, I need to start at the VERY beginning. . .organization. . .oh, organization I’m really, really good at. . .I’m pretty sure I can do that one. . .

and so it’s gone. . .my discussion with the Lord about this task. . .starting at the beginning. . .building up the muscles. . .spiritual exercise for a different type of race than the one I’m used to running. . .

I have a feeling lots of liniment (prayer) will be involved in this endeavor. . .but here we go. . .got the three ring binder, and the hole punch out. . .step one – organization!

The Candle Lighting Your Darkness

I love the Women of Faith blog so much that I have it automatically sent to my Google Reader each morning.  That way, I don't need to think about it. . .it's there. . .I can read the thought for the day. . .it only takes a few seconds, and it almost always leaves me contemplating some aspect of my walk with God.  

This morning's thought, Survival Tips, and excerpt from Sandi Patti's book Falling Forward, really caused me to stop and to wonder. . .

I wonder how many have been to that dark, dark place. . .to that place where you seemed so alone. . .where it seemed that no one. . .not even God cared about where you were?  


To a place so dark, there was not even a flicker of a candle shining to give you hope.


Where do you go when you reach that place? 


I thought of my sweet precious, sister in law, who, when her only child was stolen from her by a drunk driver, admitted in her writings, that she was unable to pray for an entire year. . .and yet, finally, finally a glimmer of light began to shine through.  


What is your glimmer?  


What is going to get you through those dark, lonely times?


Is the assurance that God is there, even when He seems, far, far away going to be enough to get you through?  


As the article said, it may take just having a check list to get you through each step of life, until finally you can reach that place where you know that God is there. . .He says, "I will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you."


In our darkest moments, clinging to that promise may be only thing that gets us through.


If you have been to that place, can you offer some hope to others. . .just a glimmer of what got you through?


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