Where were you GOD?

I asked the question and God answered:


I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME. . .

I've been there, where this Mother was standing. . .

Oh, it wasn't outside of a surgery unit. . .

No. .

We found ourselves standing outside the PICU. . .

in one of the top rated teaching hospitals in the world. . .

with the lead pediatrician in charge. . .

while our adorable, blonde haired, blue eyed, dimpled,

always smiling little cherub fought for his life. . .

and lost. . .

so yes, I know the agony this mother felt. . .

I was so very, very angry with God. . .oh I held it together in public. . .

everyone commented on how well we were doing. . .

but in the privacy of my own room. . .flinging myself out across my bed. . .

I would scream at God. . .how could you do this to me?. . .

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

It's not fair. . .it's not fair God. . .

I don't understand. . .

there is nothing you can say to me that is going to make me understand this. . .

but somehow, we survived. . .

we survived the grief, and the agony. . .

somehow our marriage survived. . .

and we kept what was left of our little family intact. . .

and slowly, slowly, began to rebuild a life for ourselves. . .

and God was faithful. . .and his promises were true. . .

and his blessings were abundant.

So many blessings. . .an adopted son who looks so much like us,

you won't be able to tell the difference. . .he is my joy. . .

sometimes I have to call just to hear his voice. . .

and adorable, precious grandchildren. . .four of them. . .nothing compares to one of their hugs. . 

So yes, God was there. . .

do I understand?. . .

NO. . .

but someday I will,

and until that day. . .I will keep pressing toward the mark of the calling of the Most High. . .